[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	the gift - seether	]

ok so a lot has happened lately.... and guys suck... but then again they don't... life is grand... not really.

i'm so confused about what i want... i don't know what i want or need. i've been getting really bad headaches again. and they suck. i love how they last for a week and then go away. and muscle relaxers are pretty fun. no doctor knows what the hell is wrong with me. so in november i'm going to a neurologist. whoop-dee-doo...

i feel like being so negative right now.... but nothing is really wrong in my life... besides school. but what else is new? i'm failing like 3 classes because i haven't been doing my homework or i just don't understand.

i don't really feel like talking about anything else... but so much has been going on... it's so crazy...

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	stories - trapt	]

wow i haven't posted in a long time. i've had time.... i just didn't feel like it. a lot has happened!!

ok so at nationals, first game, i think it was the second inning, i slid into 2nd base and FUCKED up my ankle REALLY badly. and i couldn't play the rest of NATIONALS! i mean c'mon, it's NATIONALS!!!! it's a big deal. to me and to make a long story short, i had it checked out like a week ago and now i have to wear an "air cast" for 3 weeks and go to physical therapy 3 times a week for 3 weeks. fun fun! not really... so yeah, i have no idea where we placed in nationals.

so school started tuesday.... whoop-dee-doo.... my schedule isn't too bad.... i have like 1 female teacher. the rest are guys. crazy.... i've never had that happen before.... there's a new guy. and he's pretty hot... wowy! haha.

ok i don't really have much to say.... lata

[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	"we are all on drugs" - weezer	]

it's been some time since i've last posted... one more day left of summer school. i'm excited! summer school has been a bitch lately..... i'm definitely NOT a morning person.

softball is going extremely slow.... i don't really wanna speak my mind on here about softball cause last time i did i got in trouble.... and i'm sick of getting in trouble....

megan spent the night at my house the other weekend. it was so much fun! haha! i love her to death!!! we're the BEST screamers at intersections! haha! I FUCKING LOVE COLD CAPPA!

my so called "love life" is.... well... pretty much non-existent.... it really sucks. i hate seeing other couples holding hands and all that good stuff.... i miss it so much. i like some guys, but either they just want some booty from me or they like me but they have a girlfriend.... i can't say that my "love life" is horrible because it's not as bad as it could be.

i got the new weezer CD. it's pretty awesome. i really like it.

i had the weirdest dream the other night.... i was on a road that connects I-35 and McNeil (i forgot what it's called). it was really late at night and i was with one other person, but i don't know who it was. i was driving and i was going about 50 MPH. we were headed towards McNeil. i start to see police light flashing infront of me as i pull up towards these railroad tracks. there was another car that was pulled over. and the policeman is yelling at the other driver to get out of his car. the other driver never gets out. so the policeman pulls out his gun and ducks behind his door. the driver come out of his car with a crowbar in his hand. and he starts walking towards the policeman with the crowbar still in his hand. he starts running towards the policeman and throws the crowbar at him. and as the policeman ducks behind his door dodging the crowbar, the driver's partner shoots the policeman as he gets back up. and thats when i woke up... it was so weird.... kinda scared me.

so there night be a char starter reunion again this summer! probably this saturday. i dunno if i'm gonna be able to go... i might have softball practice. : ( i really want to go....

ok so thats all i can think of right now.... lata

[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	i miss you - blink 182	]

so i got my license yesterday.... AND IT'S SO EFFING AWESOME!!!!!! i drove myself to practice and home. wow i love it.... i don't have a car yet, but soon i will. thank god!

summer school started today. it was.... ok i guess. i mean it's school, so yeah school is boring. but hey, whatever! i'm doing it just to get it over with! government isn't that bad so far. health isn't so bad either. both of my teachers are pretty cool.

ok so softball... wowy. i didn't think casarez was coming back. apparently she just kinda showed up. but practice was a b-i-t-c-h last night. my arms are fucking KILLING me and i have a pitching lesson tonight! every time someone made a bad throw we had to do 10 leg rises. and every time someone did bad fielding we had to do 10 push ups. the leg rises weren't bad at all. but after a while, the push ups started to get to me.

yeah i don't really have much to say cause i'm kinda mellow..... from my meds... whoop dee doo....

[	mood	|	lazy	]
[	music	|	why do you love me - garbage	]

ok well i get my license in 2 days!!! how effing pimp is that? i have to learn how to drive the god damn ghetto truck if i wanna drive myself to summer school. thats the only problem. my mom is too fucking lazy and too much of a bitch to even look at the cars my dad and i picked out. she just doesn't fucking care! and that pisses me off!

i really don't want stephen to be gone for a fucking month in a half! i won't have that much time to hang out with him. :(

yeah and guess what! i'm still sick! whoooo....... i hate it!

ok well i can't think of anything else to say.... lata pimps!

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	this broken heart - something corporate	]

ok well my sweet 16 weekend was KICK ASS! i had so much fun! i really wish kelsey and dylan could have been there though. we took a lot of odd pictures.... haha. my mom was like, "are ya'll trying to make a porn site?" LMAO i was like, wtf?!?! haha. good times good times. god damn, we took a pic of this hottttt guy! haha i was like, hellooooo! then i looked at ally and was like, "i'd do him!" so we had our lil moment.

ok so i'm still single.... kevin always asks me that. lol and he's always like, wow i can't believe you're single! he's so sweet! but yeah, i like 2 guys. and one of them i have no idea if i have a chance with. probably not. he's more of the type of guy that's just friends with benefits. but thats ok cause he's really hot and has a REALLY nice body! but the other one is totally kick ass. we get along so well. he always makes me laugh. and he's really hott. plus, he loves to CUDDLE! haha. and thats a major plus! and he told me he'd do me! haha. lmao. we have the weirdest names for each other... it's great!

my mom is pissing me off. she keeps threatening me with my license and car. she's always like, "you're not gonna get your license if you act like that/don't do this!!" holy shit, it's pissing me off. cause i'm supposed to get my license may 31st. cause i have to drive myself to summer school. she also keeps telling me i have to drive the "ghetto truck," which is our small lil toyota truck thats a stick. and i'm so incredibly bad at stick. i can't get the whole switch the clutch and gas at the same time and rate. god damn! and my dad and i have found some REALLY good deals on some cars. but my mom doesn't really give a shit. so i'm starting to think she really doesn't want me to drive and stuff. and before she was so supportive....

holy crap, i'm so sick right now. i missed 2 of my finals cause i felt so bad.... and i have to make the stupid things up on thursday while everyone else is SLEEPING IN!!! fuckin a!! thats not fair! i love to sleep! i miss my sleep.... i've been waking up coughing like 3 times per hour. it sucks :(

[	mood	|	energetic	]
[	music	|	questions - home town hero	]

oooooooooook..... well i just got back from working out with my bro... which was pretty good.... i guess... but anyways, he's back for good this summer. and i'm not going to be the only child anymore! whoo hoo!

so my birthday is now 6 days from today.... i'm so excited! my party begins this friday and ends sunday! friday, everyone is coming to spend the night at my house. then we're going to leave early saturday morning so we'll arrive at schlitterbahn once it opens! so we'll have ALL DAY to go schwimmin and tannin! whoop whoop! and then we're gonna go to a street dance that night either in new braunfels or gruene. and a really awesome country band is gonna be playing, they're called Two Tons of Steel. and then we're gonna go back to our room at the resort at schlitterbahn and probably go to the hot tub! whoop whoop! then bed time! and then the next morn we'll probably get back to austin at like noon. so i'm excited. and i STILL need to get my bathing suit!!!

yeah so my cell phone sorta broke..... it kinda sucks ass... oh well. it's a flip phone and then part that flips up usually flips up by itself, but now i have to push it up for it to stay up. but it still works and everything! so it's still all good! but it looks so helpless!!!

oh yeah, another thing. i called Jason's Deli yesterday. and because i couldn't work from softball and my surgery, they filled my position.... so i am currently unemployed..... again.... this fucking sucks.... so i may not be able to get my car.... : (

okies well i'm out! lata pimps!

[	mood	|	numb	]
[	music	|	random korn songs.....	]

i'm ready to die right about now..... i'm dead serious.... the most important thing in my life is gone. and will probably never come back. i hate myself and i don't know why. i didn't do anything wrong....... i'm sick of everything and everyone. i want to just crawl in a hole where no one can talk to me. or better yet, i wish someone would just murder me. suicide would be too risky right about now. so thats scratched off the list.....

i had surgery friday.... and that sucked.... i had my wisdom teeth removed. i still feel like shit and it's tuesday. i'm queezy and light-headed. i always have the taste of blood in my mouth. i can't eat a lot or normal food. and my heart rate was REALLY high at lunch time.... i really hope i die.... thats my only wish....

fuck everything.....

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	raining down - firekills	]

ok wow, i haven't posted in a while... so i'll give a small update cause i don't feel well right now.

i'm single, and i realized why after we broke up. stupid fuck. i hate guys. sometimes i wish i was a lesbian....

got a new CD and i'm lovin it. a band called firekills. they fuckin kick ass.

i feel like shit today cause i've got another one of those headaches.... it hurts really badly....

still no luck on the bathing suit hunt... oh well... i may go back to pac sun and get the green and black one.

[	mood	|	stressed	]
[	music	|	heroine - something corporate	]

i can't fuckin sleep.... this fuckin sucks ass.... it's because i'm scared of something... and i can't say what.... ever since i became scared i've been going to bed around 1 or 2 AM. and i wake up in the middle of the night constantly. and then i wake up at 6 for school. i don't know how the hell i'm functioning.

i haven't seen or talked to cameron since sunday.... i wonder how cancun is... and i fuckin hate him for going!! fuck tard! he gets to miss this whole week of school... fucker.... but he said he was gonna bring me back some stuff!! hooray!

well we had our 2nd home game today. but my FIRST home game to play in. i couldn't play in our first home game because of my stupid thumb. i have really big hands.... random lil fact there.... but anyways, i pitched the whole game and it felt GREAT! i fuckin love to pitch! i thought i did pretty well.... oh yeah, we won 13-0.... pretty fuckin awesome huh?

I LOVE MY SECRET SISTER!!!! i got monkeys in a barrel!!! how awesome is that? haha ppl kept asking me what it was and i kept saying barrels in a monkey.... i was like wow... i'm dyslexic.... lol OH and i was trying to say that my neighbors are ghetto and i said my ghettos are neighbor... good times, good times...

holy shit! i was trying to watch kill bill 1 in my room, and it's a DVD from netflix, and it kept fucking up at Chapter 5. i was sooooo pissed!!!!!! i LOVE kill bill 1 and 2. haha my mom bought me kill bill 2 and we don't even have the first one.

wow i can't believe Easter is right around the corner....this year had flown by like no other... it's amazing how time flies because it seems like it's been so quick, but you have so many memories....

i have been in the BIGGEST rock music mood lately... i don't know why... oh well... it works out for me! cause i LOVE rock music. it's my FAVORITE..... my FAVORITE song right now is either "happy" - mudvayne or "little sister" - queens of the stone age. those songs are KICKIN! haha

ok i'm out. lata pimps!

[	mood	|	sore	]
[	music	|	slipknot - vermilion pt 2	]

so i worked out a LOT today! i ran for quite some time today. and then i did some ab stuff! and i pitched! i SUCKED at pitching today. i don't know what was wrong with me.... it really pissed me off. so i just worked on my curve ball. it was okay....

i tanned today too! got a lil burnt, but it's all good. cause it'll be a tan in a day or two. i wanna be so dark! haha. god if cameron comes back from cancun darker than me i'll have a FIT. lol i'm gonna tan every weekend until i get REALLY dark! god i'm like addicted to tanning.... i'm gonna get skin cancer when i'm older. i swear....

i STILL need to finish my english project..... DAMN..... i don't wanna do it.... but i NEED to do good on it. i think i'm gonna take my medicine tomorrow cause i have tutoring and then i'll finish my english..... fuckin english..... i hate fuckin homework....

ok well i'm out. lata pimps!

[	mood	|	tired	]
[	music	|	burden brothers - shadow	]

yeah so i went over to cameron's house the other day. it was pretty fun! we started to watch anger management. but i got too distracted so we got on his computer and he tried to teach me how to play this game on his X box. then we watched some other movie and i totally forgot the name of it. but there was a really hot guy in it so it's all good. oh and tara reid....

i had a pitching lesson tonight. i kinda sucked because i didn't run after my tournament and all those acids were still in my body. so i was kinda sore. my rise ball looked sooooo effing AWESOME!!! i LOVE my rise ball. it's so PIMP!!! my drop didn't look too bad. my curve sucks BALLS. i'm so bad at those cause of old habits. i don't follow through like i should. i follow throuhg like my old curve ball and so my curve ball kinda drops. it's cool, but i want to have complete control over it. my knuckle ball is just the pimp daddy of all pitches. i LOVE them. they're SSSSOOOOOOOO much fun to pitch!!! i LOVE the mess with the batters' head! GOD it's soooo effing FUN!!!

ok well i'm out cause i'm fucking tired!!! lata pimps!

[	mood	|	flirty	]
[	music	|	little sister - queens of the stone age	]

i'm not single anymore! haha i'm REALLY happy!!

yeah, just a random thing..... but i'm talking to kelsey on the phone right now. so i can't really think of anything to say....

[	mood	|	lonely	]
[	music	|	wake up - the vanished	]

you've always been special enough to be in here...

je t'aime

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	TV in the background	]

ok it's been quite some time since i've posted. and a LOT has changed. i don't really wanna talk about it on here though.

softball is PIMPIN!! omg. i LOVE it. we're actually pretty decent this year!! i'm having SO much fun! except the fact that i ALREADY got hurt and was out for 2 weeks. i was pitching and i got hit by a line drive. it hit my thumb on my pitching hand. my mom thought it was broken and that freaked me out like no other. i would be so fucking bored if it was broken. but THANK GOD it was just badly bruised. i couldn't move it what-so-ever. i couldn't even touch my thumb to my pointer finger. yeah so i was in a splint for a while which sucked cause i couldn't write anything. it's really hard to brush your teeth with your left hand too.

yeah so one more quick last thing. i like someone. and it's someone that i thought i didn't like, but turned out i did. i just never had realized it. and i hope something develops cause i REALLY like being around him. so keep your fingers crossed!!!

[

mood

|

depressed

]

my life just hit rock bottom.... i really need to find a way to vent or to cope with what has happened.... very quickly.... drastic times calls for drastic measures right? well i need to pick mine..... soon......

why am i fucking like this? i fucking hate myself..... i can't stop crying...... i haven't stopped crying since 3 'o clock....... why the fuck am i even here? what is my purpose? always getting in trouble? thats not how life should be..... i've tried to change it. but nothing happens....

[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	sugarcult - memory	]

ok wow, i haven't posted in a long time... ok well first of all softball is awesome. even though we do a lot of running, i still love it. i LOVE our new coach. she is the coolest! she played softball at TSU aka southwest. the only bad thing is that barely anyone is playing this year. it sucks. we barely have enough for two teams.

i feel so bad for ally.... she's having a really hard time. she's been talking to me a lot lately. i'm glad she's opening up to me. but i wish i could help her with her problems. kelsey is starting to hang out with us a lot because her so called "friends" were total fuck tards to her. and i've been telling her to stop hanging out with them. she didn't listen until now.

ok the valentines day dance is coming up..... i don't know if i'm going or what. it's a sadie hawkins.... so girls have to ask the guys to go.... kelsey thinks i should ask this one guy... but i don't know. he's just a friend to me. but ally said she thinks he likes me. i seriously doubt it though.

omg, our receptionist left last week. she was one of the most awesome adults i've ever met. her name was jaye. we had a little "birthday club" and we would throw little parties for people in our club. lol it was the best. i felt like crying because when i came in to say goodbye SHE began to cry.... : ( it was so sad.... i still need to e-mail her....

i have this drawing that i'm INCREDIBLY proud of. i think i'm really bad at drawing. but when i get an idea, i just go for it. and i have been. i'm not finished with it. but i still really like it. the whole idea of it is like human and nature.... it sounds kinda weird when i explain it. but it looks prety awesome. the only bad thing is that it's on lined paper. if you wanna see it then leave me a message or IM me or whatever. just contact me and let me know. = D

ok i went to the doctors office yesterday because i really needed to increase my adderall. i was starting to become sorta immune to it. i would get these spurts of hyperness and become really talkative. and i wouldn't be able to sit still at all. it's not like i can anyways, but i would be more fidgety and stuff. so he increased it from 30 MGs to 35 MGs. it's funny cause adderall capsules doesn't come in 30 MGs so we had to order 5MGs capsules. and they are soooo itty bitty! it's so cute! haha

yeah so i had to take my new dosage today cause i had tutoring from 10-12. fun stuff.... and plus i have homework... : ( i hate homework.... i have to make a brochure for spanish.... i REALLY don't want to though..... but anyways, i'm like all mellowed out and shit.... fuuuun.....

okies, i'm out lata ~ j dogg